| Ramadan Reflections: the many faces of Islam - Day 8 (India) |
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May I introduce ... seven sisters
Shabnam (eldest sister, while breast-feeding Waris): Fasting is between me and God; it's not about what others see or say, not a matter of show. God sees my heart. Actually, today I'm feeling very weak because I fell asleep and missed Saheri (pre-dawn meal), and Waris is sick and just wants to keep drinking. I'm getting pins and needles in my feet.
Gulshan (3rd sister): I find fasting very difficult, I don't know why? Guriya (sister-in-law, breast-feeding Uwez): For me fasting is a spiritual experience. Last year I couldn't fast because I was pregnant with Uwez, and I really missed it. This year I am fasting again, but today is terribly hot. Gulshan: In our family there is only one problem – marriage. We are seven sisters, only one is married, and four more are of marriageable age. Only Shabbo (youngest sister) is free from this worry – the rest of us are all feeling terrible tension over it. Guriya (4th sister): Mum is trying hard, but when she brings a suitor for Shaheen, they ask for Gulshan or me instead, then Shaheen cries because nobody wants to marry her. Shaheen (2nd sister, about 27 yrs): even at work, people are asking me why I'm not married. They mean well, but it hurts. Now that I'm this age and not yet married, people think I must be well-educated, or else there is something wrong with me. But I never went to school, and it's just because we don't have money that I haven't married. Gulshan: these days Dahez (dowry) is way out of control. The family of any boy who comes looking for a bride wants to get a car or motorcycle and lots of other things, but we can't afford that even for one girl, and there are 6 more of us to marry. People are more and more greedy. They don't even care anymore whether you're beautiful, can cook, or have an education. Guriya: you're exaggerating. They are certainly more greedy for Dahez than before. but they still want a beautiful, well-educated bride who will stay home and cook! Gulshan: Shabnam and Babu got married OK because they married within our extended family. But there are no other eligible males, except for Bunti. He's a wonderful guy, but his part of the family is Shia, and we are Sunni – so we couldn't possibly marry him. There are too many differences in how we practise religion, and there would be arguments. Shabnam: when people come here looking for a bride, they see Babu's motorcycle and think we have money; but he has worked at his company for many years, and they respect him, and gave him the bike because he is on call and needs it for going to jobs. Gulshan: all these worries are the cause of our mother being sicker and sicker these days. She is getting "sugar" (diabetes) and her arm pain never goes away. But still she goes to work every day. Shabnam: Aunty, explain to Gullo the trouble she is causing and how she should behave. She says things that make Mum cry and makes threats that upset her. Gullo (5th sister): when I finish 12th class I will work to pay for my own wedding, or go to Sewa Ashram and work there and never get married ... Gulshan: see, she isn't considering us at all. Three of us have to be married before her, and if she does anything that others see as wrong, then it will give us all a bad name and none of us will find good husbands. Soni (6th sister) silently gets up and leaves to answer a mobile phone, and then takes it outside – the call is for a neighbour who doesn't have a phone.
Please pray for ... - an end to the oppressive dowry system, and the greed behind it - greater sense of gender equality, and more people willing to question and confront gender-based injustices which have been accepted for too long - good husbands for Shaheen and Gulshan: families who won't demand dowry, men who will be considerate and hard-working.
Did you know ... Dowry is NOT a part of Islam (just where our conversation went when I asked what I should ask for prayer about). Dowry is illegal in India, and there are laws governing the giving of wedding gifts so that they should not technically be classed as dowry. However, in practice dowry is a very big issues across all religions and economic classes.
[Servants works in a number of Islamic settings, including India and Indonesia. This month is the month of Ramadan (also known as Ramazan), the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, which lasts about 30 days. It is a month of fasting, in which participating Muslims refrain from eating and drinking during daylight hours and is intended to teach Muslims about patience, spirituality, humility and submissiveness to God. Each day this month we will be putting reflections, stories, and information about Islam on this website to help you learn more and pray for our Muslim friends.] |