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Marital Misery

In a poor neighbourhood, there are many sad stories.  Today I've heard about death, drugs, disappearance, and divorce.  Not that these are by any means special to Islam, or even to poverty – people of all religions and all economic classes fall into addiction, run into marriage problems, and run away.  We all eventually die.  But somehow these things are concentrated and accentuated among the poor, who have fragile hope, no holidays, and nothing in the bank.

So today I visited my friend, knowing she was having a tough time in her marriage and had recently sent her son to a boarding school to improve his chances in life.  In the month since we last spoke, there have been big arguments over her working outside the home, the son being sent away for his education, and her studying a computer course to try to get somewhere in life.  She listed all the abuse she has endured from her husband since their marriage 10 years ago – his chasing after her sister and a close girlfriend, inappropriate behaviour with her niece (only 6 year old at the time), still smoking despite nearly dying of a heart complaint (only saved by others' donating money for the surgery needed), and spoiling their two sons while not encouraging them to study.  She was willing to give him yet another “one more chance” if only he would promise to not pursue other women.  She would even meet the demands of his relatives to stay home, stop working, and not study any more.

He refused.

She left.

She says she cannot forgive him again, and will not go back, only to have her sons grow up under his influence to ruin someone else's life.  Her nephew of 13, influenced by his own father's addictions, is addicted to smack, and has run away.  She wants better for her sons, and is willing to suffer whatever criticism is levelled at her for leaving her husband.

Please pray for  …

-  our friends who are experiencing extreme marriage distress, or recent separation or divorce: Farzana, Tabassum, Jyoti (a Hindu woman)

-  give thanks for those who have negotiated some very difficult years and now have much better marriage relationships: Ruksana, Naseema, Shabana

-  pray for Muslims in general, who much like Christians want to uphold the sanctity and permanence of marriage, yet face difficult situations, abuse, hard decisions, social stigma etc.  How to be faithful to God and to your marriage partner, and factor in your own and your children's well-being?

Did you know …

It is widely known that it is legal for a Muslim man to have more than one wife (on certain conditions, such as that he is able to provide for them and their children properly and will treat them equally and fairly).  In practice this is actually quite rare (in India at least) – we have only ever met 2 families where this was the case, and both were quite disastrous in terms of family dynamics.  While it is legally allowed, it is widely shunned by society (especially by 2^nd wives!).  Here's an interesting quote from http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/325/ :

One can safely say that the number of polygamous marriages in the Muslim world is much less than the number of extramarital affairs in the West.

[Servants works in a number of Islamic settings, including India and Indonesia. This month is the month of Ramadan (also known as Ramazan), the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, which lasts about 30 days. It is a month of fasting, in which participating Muslims refrain from eating and drinking during daylight hours and is intended to teach Muslims about patience, spirituality, humility and submissiveness to God. Each day this month we will be putting reflections, stories, and information about Islam on this website to help you learn more and pray for our Muslim friends.]